


Aftermath

by Lilablassblau



Category: Castle
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s03e06 3XK, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7515061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilablassblau/pseuds/Lilablassblau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his stubborn partner won't take care of himself after the 3XK-case, Esposito makes sure he will anyway. </p><p>Or: hurt best friend leads to a much needed talk. On both sides.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Being knocked unconscious is rarely something you bounce back as easily as we've seen on the show. 
> 
> Also, bouncing back from a concussion myself, I came up with my own version of what happened afterwards. And yeah, it is slash.
> 
> Thanks for Detective-Rysposito for her help, as always.

“Well, Mister Ryan just should rest more.”

His partner nodded, while he stood at the wall and had resumed his watchdog position. Arms were crossed over his chest and the longer the doc talked, the more the frown around the mouth tightened up. It was close to adorable, but Kevin knew better than to comment on that.

“It was not such a big blow.” Okay, maybe he was fighting a losing battle, but he would be damned if he wouldn’t go down fighting.

“Your concentration is blown all over the place, you are obviously in pain and get dizzy half of the time,” Espo snapped at him and now it was Ryan’s turn to frown. What was that supposed to mean?

“Your partner is right, detective. You are no good like that to your colleagues.”

The doc only thought about his health, but did he have to be that blunt about his ability to do his job? He was well aware how much he had fucked up, but didn’t Espo, Beckett and the Captain all tell him just two weeks ago it was not his fault and not to worry about his badge - and yes his gun sucked - but, still, not his fault?

He snapped his mouth shut when he looked up at his partner, who nodded along. He felt an all too familiar pain spread in his chest. Well, at least it’s now up in the open. He closed his two buttons on his shirt and hopped off the table with a stoic face, swallowing all his dainty feelings down.

“Two weeks rest will do miracles, you will see,” the man tried to sooth him and yeah, that a stranger was able to pinpoint his dismay over his immediate forced grounding, sucked even more.

So, he gave up all pretenses, gave his traitor of a partner his best pissed off face - _till the wheels fall off my ass, more like, until a serial killer gets a drop on you and I don’t trust you to watch my back anymore_ \- and with a forced smile took the notice of leave from the docs hands.

“Thank you for your help.”

 

**********************************

 

Ryan was quiet since they had left the hospital. Anger and disappointment radiated from his hunched over shoulders and his fixed stare out of the side window. It made for a very thick mood in their car.

He had left Esposito no choice, however. He barely had complained, but whenever Ryan thought he was on his own, he rolled his head, rubbed his temples and squeezed his eyes shut. Then he had jumbled up the phone number in the files and misplaced even part of said file. While Esposito tried to overlook it all, when Ryan nearly fainted after taking down a scumbag he knew he had to put his foot down and had dragged him to the hospital with Beckett and Captain nodding in agreement.

“Look, man, it’s not that bad. Now, you can watch all the quiz shows you never get to watch and come back with even more random trivia for our cases.”

“Random.” And of course, he picked on the one word that fitted into his current world of self-doubt. Normally, Esposito would have picked on his younger partner to get a grip and stop whining, but the flat tone in the other’s voice stopped him. His mood was flip-flopping at best since that night at the motel, but mostly Ryan dragged himself down and down the rabbit-hole.

“Kevin, come on, I only worry about you,” he tried a different approach, a softer one, one that only Kevin got to see. Other terms of endearment were always on the tip of his tongue, but they were not on that level, maybe never would be, but that did not stop the soft quality in his voice and ‘Kevin’ was the closest to it.

Next to him, Kevin just huffed in irritation and any other day before 3XK and Esposito would have considered it the cutest thing how his sunny partner was trying to hold on to his bad mood. Right now, he was not sure anymore if Kevin would have added it to his long list of personal insults.

“You just need to step away for some time. Get back on your feet probably,” he tried the understanding tone some more, but even though he had to train his eyes on traffic, he still saw the unhappy frown out of the corner of his eyes.

“And stop slowing you down.” It was mumbled to the window, but Esposito nearly crashed into the car in front, when he shot a sharp look at his friend.

“No, just restore yourself, be the research wizard I know you can be.”

“Ah, research.”

Esposito took a deep breath. _You love him, Javi_ , he reminded himself. _He might not know that and would not appreciate that bombshell at the moment, but you do. And he is just not himself, not my cheery, happy and all around level headed partner at the moment and needs you to look out for him, even if he does not appreciate it for now._

“That’s not what I meant. You have a concussion, you need time to recover, that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Kevin nodded and Javier felt some tension fall away from his shoulders. Until Kevin added, “Don’t have my badge anyway for now.” Another wound to tear at and Javier would have loved to tear the people down at 1PP a new one for taking so long to issue a new badge, but he knew Kevin would only take it as another insult that his partner thought he had to pick his fights.

“And it will be there soon, you’ll see,” Javier tried to argue. They were coming up to Kevin’s building and Javier did not want to leave their conversation on such a sour note, so he added a strong, “Till the wheels fall, remember?” Normally, that was it and Kevin would smile at him. Now, Kevin just nodded silently, waited for Javier to pull over and with a mumbled, “See you in two weeks.” he was out of the car.

 

**********************************

 

Back at the precinct, Beckett and Castle already stood at their murder board, filling it up with information.

“Hey, how is our patient,” Castle greeted him and Espo shrugged with a grimace.

“That bad, huh?”

“What we got?” He was not in the mood to discuss the thick headed Irishman at the moment. And thankfully, the remainder of the team took the clue.

Only later, when Espo’s shoulders were less tense and the frown less obvious, did Beckett approach him at the mother of all pity corners - the espresso machine.

“Really now, Javi, how is he?” She looked at her junior detective with raised eyebrows and he sighed.

“Pissed. He is pissed at me, the world, but probably mostly at himself.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his temple. “However, he was ruled unfit for duty and on leave, no questions asked, effective immediately for the next two weeks. And I’d rather have him cranky, but safely at home instead of chasing some asshole, who has no qualms about shooting a loopy detective.” His voice slightly raised at the end, the frustration pouring out of him that he could not make his partner understand that he had Kevin’s best interests at heart.

Beckett smiled at her friend. “Not how he sees it, hmm?”

He slammed down the sugar pot and reached for a spoon. “I have trouble following what goes on through this mind on a normal day, now--,” his voice drifted off with a grimace. “How can he not see that it was not his fault and even if, punishing himself like a martyr won’t fix it. If it’s anyone’s fault here then it’s Castle’s.”

Ah, that thing again. As soon as Kevin had recounted the story, still on scene in the ambulance, blood still on his forehead and running from his nostril, Espo - ignoring Montgomery's shouts - had stormed off to where Castle and Beckett were sitting. If Beckett had not shoved the writer behind her, recognizing the tight fists, the flaring nostrils and the lines between his eyes, Espo would have shoved him against the next best wall.

_“Espo, what the hell?”_

_“Had to be the smart one, didn’t you?” He had spat out._

_“I did not think--.” Beckett had seen the guilt right away._

_“Damn right, you did not think. Kevin was your partner in there and you completely blindsided him.”_

_“What are you talking about?” Beckett had seen Castle swallow and had felt the jolt in her chest. She had not even assumed that Castle might have fucked something up back there, too relieved she had been to see him and Kevin alive. “Castle? What is he talking about?”_

_Castle had been called to the Captain’s office the next day and had to endure one of the worst dress-downs she had ever witnessed Montgomery handing out. “What were you thinking spewing off theories like that in front of Tyson?_ _Did you even give Ryan a hint what was going on? No, you let him walk right into the trap. Be glad it’s only his badge, wallet, and gun which are gone, not his life as well.” Eventually, the Captain was done, but the first week Esposito growled like an enraged mama bear, whenever Castle dared to go near Ryan._

It was a topic for another time.

“Again - not how he sees it?”

“Not even close,” Espo snorted and Beckett bit her lips in thought. “And now he is pissed at me since I insisted on the trip to the doc.”

“Yeah, as did I and the Captain, when he started to throw up from his headache.”

“Sure, you were not the one that dragged his sorry ass over there, though. And now he doesn’t even want to see me.”

That made Beckett smile. As she knew that no matter what their youngest team member said, he would always want to see his best friend. “So, what will you do?”

Espo looked up at her and saw her knowing smile. “No, Kate, not gonna happen,” he rolled his eyes.

“Why? First, it was Jenny, then because of aftermath Jenny--.”

“Kate, come on, I should never have mentioned anything.” Espo glared at her and then nodded outside. “This is not _Temptation Lane_ , Kate. It’s a police precinct. And we are not talking about any colleague, but my partner and best friend.”

They had had the talk enough over the last months. Kate had kept to her words and had remained silent about it. Didn’t mean she agreed with his silent pining.

“And at the moment, he probably throws darts at my picture,” Espo snorted but looked anything but amused.

“Alright, Javi, but think about--.”

“Kate, come on,” Espo interrupted with a hiss, looking around for any eavesdropping.

“Hear me out and then you can do whatever you want.”

Espo lifted his hands, but gestured to continue, while picking up his coffee.

“I get your concerns, I do, and I’m not saying that’s an easy situation, but it’s Kevin Ryan we are talking about here. Kevin Ryan that dated a vampire once, listens to the most outlandish theories of Castle and likes _Eat, Pray, Love_. If there is one guy that does not care about that boy’s choir mentality it’s him. Besides, even if he does not feel the same, he would not give you crap about it.”

 

**********************************

 

Javier rubbed his palms over his jeans once again and then, at last, knocked. When Kevin ripped open his door, Javier was prepared for the scowl, the tightened lips, the slightly narrowed eyes and the casual clothing, but he was not prepared for this.

'This' was his usually so well put together partner in a tight grey tank top, in well fitted, washed out jeans, hair slightly wet and all over the place, and that on-leave scruff. Javier’s eyes fixated on those arms that flexed and unflexed on the door.

“Uhm, can I come in?”

Kevin seemed to seriously consider slamming the door right into his face again but then stepped aside with a shrug.

At least inside it was not the expected mess and even the windows were open to let in some fresh evening air to cool down what had been a rather warm May day. Kevin quickly went to the bathroom to the far right to open the window in there as well. So, he had just showered and this was his hectic thrown on attire. And what an outfit it was. Casual Kevin had been his first weakness in his long downward spiral of falling for his partner.

“So, what’s up? Need help with the case?”

Kevin had gone off to his kitchen and his loud question was yelled into the open fridge.

“No, we shut it an hour ago,” he called back and even though Javier stood a couple of feet away, he saw by the tensing of his shoulders and the gripping of the fridge door that he had said the wrong thing.

Still, Kevin minded his manners and shoved an opened beer bottle into his right hand and flopped down on a seat. Not the beloved red couch, no the grey, one person only, seat opposite to it. And then just waited for Javier to pick up the conversation. No “So, who was it?” or “motive?”, he clearly was not ready to hear how they were doing without him on the job.

“Yeah, it was not the same without you,” Javier tried to pick it up again and assure the other that he was missed at the same time. The blank stare gave him no clue if Kevin appreciated the hint or not.

He had not been completely open with Kate those three days ago in the break room. He knew what was going on inside Kevin’s head 99 percent of the time. Being partners for five years and close friends, Javier knew when Kevin was happy, intrigued, amused, unimpressed or about to be really dorky. It just came with the job and being that guy’s best friend.

Well, except now. Now, he had no idea what was going on behind those blue eyes. He didn’t look angry, no there was something guarded there. As if he expected -- Javi did not even know what he expected. _Okay, change of pace._ He carefully put his full bottle on the counter and leaned forward.

“Listen, man, about that, it made me realize something.”

And now he saw something he could easily place. The quick jumping up of his brows, the crinkling of the forehead and the silent opening and closing of his mouth, while swallowing deeply. Kevin was this close to exploding with anxiety and shower him with questions but was holding back in the hopes that his partner said something different.

His younger partner let it rarely show, but there, plainly written on his face, was a deep-seated insecurity to not be good enough. And Javier, over the years, had come to understand the origins. He now knew there were worse parental figures than absent fathers. Others would have used it as an excuse, but not Kevin Ryan. In fact, Javier was almost sure that only he and maybe Beckett knew he had one of the toughest backgrounds at the 12th.

“Yeah, we solved the case alright.” Again a jump in his throat and now a downwards look. “As we would have without Castle or me or Beckett for that matter.” And there was the tender look upwards, to see if there might not be blows after all and Javier felt the all familiar anger that after all those years, there was still a terrified kid waiting for the next hit.

“But it was not the same, man. It would never be the same.”

And finally, finally, there was a tiny smile and he had said the first right sentence in the last three weeks. And if the happy churning right in his stomach to see that smile did not tell Javier how far gone he was on all that was Kevin Ryan, he would have given up on himself.

“So, ah, you weren’t happy that I got grounded?”

“Yes, I was.”

And gone was the moment. Kevin didn’t exactly recoil, but his shoulders slumped down and the frown around the corner of his mouth was back on.

“‘Cause it meant you were somewhere safe,” he continued and by the obvious surprised jump on his eyebrows, he had not expected that.

“That’s it?” His voice sounded uncertain.

“That’s not just ‘it’, Kev. That’s everything. I didn’t protect you the first time, it will be a cold day in hell when I let that happen again.”

“You didn’t let anything happen and I don’t need protection,” his partner argued.

“I said I didn’t protect you, not that you need protection. There is a difference.” Judging by his now blinking partner, Javier knew he had to specify. “Kevin, you could be Superman, I would still have your back. Not because you are incompetent or weak, but because I just can’t stand the thought of you hurt or worse.”

Kevin leaned forward, an inquisitive look on his face, leaning his forearms on the legs, his bottle twirling in his hands. “So, once I’m back and there is a raid and I’m the first through the door--.”

“I’ll be right behind you.”

That prompted a smile and then a nod towards the carpet. “Till the wheels fall of?”

Now, Javier smiled. “Bro, even if we are down to our rims.”

To that, Kevin laughed out loud and damn it, had he missed that sound.

“Damn, Javi, I thought you did not trust me anymore to have your back after that night.”

Javi blinked. Okay, that was unexpected. “Yo, how did you come up with that batshit crazy theory?”

“Well, I know in the beginning you tolerated me and maybe I just became a force of habit and--.”

“Kevin, let me stop right there. You should know me better than that, man.”

There was that unhappy frown that meant Kevin actually did have doubts.

“You really think I just let hang you around? We are not in high school.” Again with that soft voice, the one Kevin seemed to respond best to at the moment.

“No, it’s not-- I know how, people see us, Javi. You the tough veteran, me, well, me.”

“Who said something against you?” His fists were curled up in seconds and while he mentally listed every possible offender in the bullpen, be saw a tiny smile and that fond eye roll, he could never quite place.

“No one said anything, but I’m not blind. And I actually don’t care most of the time. I know I could take on most of them most of the time.”

Javier slowly uncurled his fists, picked up his bottle again to have something else to focus on then that intense, blue-eyed stare.

“I just-- what if you didn’t trust me anymore? My Dad--.”

“Your Dad is an asshole,” Javier exploded and grabbed the bottle so hard, Kevin was sure they would have those comical 80-action-flicks, where it exploded right there from the pressure.

“Kevin, I know you talked and hugged it out a few years ago and you think he is that reformed ex-drunk and yes, he is not the same drunken bully he used to be, but he beat his own kid.”

And to think it was not Kevin that told him about it, but that ex-alcoholic to excuse his son’s distant behavior around him. _“It’s okay, Detective. I’m still eternally grateful that I still have him visiting every month and not cut from my life. I have no right to demand anything from Kevin, not after what I had put that kid through after his mother had died.”_

“How--?”

“Your Dad told me.”

At first, his partner just nodded, then scratched his head and blushed quickly. “I would have told you, but--.”

“It’s okay, Kev. I get it, but not everybody can be as kind as you are. So, you will have to live with me to never trust him with you ever.”

“That list seems to grow,” Kevin quipped. Javier just huffed, trying to cover his flustered face, then took a quick sip and pointed at his friend and his soda.

“What’s with the beer strike.”

Kevin shrugged and rubbed his face. “Ah, well--.”

“Kevin,” Javier put his beer down, leaning forward.

“The headaches are bad enough as it is. Add alcohol to it and my brain is trying to crawl out of my head.”

With a sigh, Javier got up and walked up to his partner. “What about now?”

“Javi--.”

“What about now?” His voice bore no argument anymore.

“They never leave me…”

With a sigh, Javier stood behind the seat, putting his hands on Kevin’s shoulders, who jumped in surprise then sank back down.

“Relax,” Javier whispered, while his hands moved around the shoulders to the neck, where he found a particular hard knot and then digger his fingertips into it. Kevin’s head fell forward, while he let Javier work on his neck.

“You know it’s bullshit, right?” Javier interrupted the silence after a while.

“Hmm?” Kevin seemed to be close to dozing off.

“What they say about us. You.”

“Yeah?” Even though he remained still, Javier felt him slightly tense up.

“I’ve seen you in the field, I wish more cops would be as levelheaded as you are. You don’t rush into it. And yet, if it goes physical, you can hold your own. It’s what goes up there that intimidates them.” Javier tapped lightly against his head and Kevin could hear the smile in his voice. He turned his face up to look at him. It was an odd angle. He mostly saw those lips. So, he leaned his head even more back. Javier must have had the same idea, moving forward and quickly, Kevin felt Javier’s breath ghost over his lips.

“Kev--,” Javier started, but was at a loss what to say. They had been close often enough, bumping shoulders at work, hugging each other after a hard week, slapping each other’s back during a night out. It was always bordering on too intimate. But this--.

Suddenly, he felt arms circle around his neck and before Javier could debate all the what ifs, lips pressed gently against his. He closed his eyes, swallowed, but leaned heavily against it. It was still an odd angle and the blood rushing through his head, was not only from the others soft lips. When he pulled back, he leaned his head next to Kevin’s head on the seat and sighed.

“I would never want anyone else by my side.” One hand was still on his neck, slowly descending towards the collar of the shirt.

“Javier--.”

“No one else but you,” the hand drew patterns over barely visible freckles. Memorizing what could have been lost that night forever.

“Javier,” tried Kevin again, a bit softer this time.

“I could have lost you that night because Castle felt cocky.” He swallowed heavily, his hands twisting itself into the shirt, breathing deeply the scent that was Kevin only.

“Javi--.”

Javier felt the hands vanish from his back, then Kevin finally moved around. He looked into blue eyes which always managed the calm him down with a calm glance.

“I’m alive, I’m here. With you.”

Nodding helplessly, his hands caressed the face in front of him. He pulled him up, their movements getting more and more urgent.

“Bed,” Kevin mumbled against his kisses and they stumbled towards the bedroom, Javier only thinking about getting out of their clothing. It was a minor miracle that nothing broke and they landed on the bed unharmed, but at last naked.

Leaning over Kevin, Javier took a few moments, to take all in - hair mused, pupils blown, heavy breathing and mouth slightly open - and then leaned down. “Perfect,” he whispered before he closed the gap.

The next morning, Javier woke up to a slight snore. Kevin’s arm was across his chest and the face facing him and the windows, making the sun shining on his relaxed face. It was early and Saturday. He could just stay here and watch Kevin slowly wake up. They had not talked about what it meant. Javier could only hope it was not a spur of the moment decision. That this was the beginning of something long. _A relationship, just call it like it is, Javier._

‘Cause that’s what he wanted and Kevin might not even know it. So far, Javier had had about four relationships Kevin had witnessed. Three girls, one among them Lanie, and that awkward, but so important fling with that lawyer. His first step towards opening up about his feeling had been mind wrecking until Kevin had padded his shoulder and smiled with a simple “Kay, partner. Not my type of guy, though.” His heart must have stopped as so far he had not known that Kevin might be a possibility and then the pandora’s box was open.

And what if Kevin did not want to risk his career over him? It meant so much to him. What if last night was just a taste at the impossibility. Javier wanted this. He wanted Kevin to want this.

“Yes,” Kevin suddenly spoke up.

“Huh?!”

A smile appeared on the other's face, still relaxed. “Yes, I want this.”

“How--?” Sometimes Javier was sure that Kevin had a direct link to his thoughts and not always he liked the idea.

“I can hear you thinking from here, Javi. And yes, technically, this is not something our superiors will condone, but one step at a time.” He opened his eyes and smiled at Javier. He reached his hand to Javier’s face and caressed it. “Right now, I’d just like to enjoy the fact that I have you here in my arms.”

Javier opened his mouth, frowning.

“Yeah yeah, I know I’m being sappy, but get used to it,” Kevin interrupted any reply with an eye roll.

Instead, Javier took the hand and kissed it. “I’m already used to it,” he then added, making Kevin retract his hand with another eye roll. “Way to ruin a moment, jerk,” Kevin said, but the slight smile stayed on his face.

He then closed his eyes, rubbing his head with a slight wince.

Javier propped himself up on his elbow and rubbed his neck. “Headache?”

“Hmm hmm,” The other nodded, obviously trying to block out the pain.

“Tell you what, partner. It’s early, let’s go back to sleep and later I’ll fix you some breakfast.”

“Hmm,” was the already sleepy answer.

Javier reached around and turned Kevin around so that he was now seeing the back.

“What you doin’?” Kevin mumbled with a yawn at the end.

“Rolling my boyfriend around, so I can hug him,” Javier replied, while he put one arm around Kevin’s chest and drew him closer. He felt the other man relax against him and kissed his neck.

“Like the sound of it,” Kevin said when he was settled and finally fell asleep.

Javier was not really that sleepy, but what better excuse to stay in bed then to help his boyfriend get better.


End file.
